Slices of Laugh: Amusing Musings on Life and Family by William Dean

Humorist William M. Dean has been compared to Mark Twain and Dave Barry, in gender. Here are 34 hilarious anecdotes and articles offering his unique perspective on far-flung subjects ranging from life, family, parenting, sex, intimacy, arguments, stealing your neighbor’s water, Japan, clothes dryer repair, violence, drugs, pets, sex again, aging, writing, couponing, Disneyland, scouting, dining with the Queen of England, and more. A refreshingly wholesome, uplifting read, perfect for when you’re waiting for your nails to dry, your server to stop texting, your doctor to retrieve an implement, your lover to finish, or to hide behind while following a suspect in a busy terminal. Lots of chuckles, keen observations, pearls of wisdom and nearly 100 nifty pictures.Sample WMD quotes from articles not contained in this book:• If I ever get rich, I’m going to buy chairs for all those operators who are standing by.• When I promised her that I would follow her anywhere, I was really just thinking Facebook and Twitter.• Everyone in Greenland is by polar.• One great thing about devil worshippers is that they never seem to argue about whose is the one, true Satan.• I have worked for beer, thus proving the adage that a pitcher is worth a thousand words.• Google knows what I want even better than my wife. But, to be fair, I don’t surf porn with my wife.• Among the things I can’t seem to teach my kids: Something that is really, really, really, really, really, really interesting… is actually boring.• Any financial planner willing to have me as a client is not much better with his money than I am.• All my life I’ve stood up for what is right. I usually laid down for things that were wrong.• Life is reality TV for overachievers.• Am I the only one worried about drivers who have a dream catcher hanging from their rear view mirror.• Would it be wrong to erect a 50-foot statue of the world’s smallest man? (The shoes, alone, would be no small feat.)• I laughed all the way to the bank—but I did not laugh inside the bank because excessive laughter inside a bank always sounds maniacal and makes people uneasy.• Where I got the idea that becoming a physicist would likely make me rich, I don’t know. I blame Tony Stark.• Sometimes, when I’m uppity, I feel like Evander Holyfield’s other ear challenging Mike Tyson to a rematch.• Today, I signed an agreement giving Steven Spielberg exclusive rights to make my latest novel into a major motion picture. Currently working on getting Steven to sign, too.• My wife absolutely hates it when I waste money. A bit of a shame, as it’s one of my defter skills.• Regarding fame: I’d always hoped that if my plane goes down in a fiery crash, a 90-point headline will read: William M Dean and 397 others die in horrific accident.• I’ve reached the age where the bathroom is the only room I go into where I never forget what I came for.• Most people think it’s hilarious to watch a cat chasing a laser dot. Ironically, all it takes to completely distract a human is a video of a cat chasing a laser dot.• I spend so much time on social media that when I got a Christmas card with a picture of a dove on it, I thought it was from Twitter.• Women don’t want to be known as “easy,” but they don’t seem to appreciate it when I call them “difficult.”• You might be a writer if: You receive shocking news and your first thought is: “What is my first thought?”• There are many types of “special.” Ask your therapist which one is right for you.• Referring to people who suffer from obsession and compulsion as having a disorder seems a little like rubbing salt in the wound.• Everyone wishes they had a product that sold like hotcakes. Why don’t they just sell hotcakes?• The sexiest thing I’ve ever had on the side was fries.• Writer: A person who intends to make a name for himself, using the alphabet.

Author: William Dean

Rating: Rating: 5.00 / 5
5 reviews

Dad Jokes: St. Patrick’s Day Gift Book (Gift Books by Ralph Lane) by Ralph Lane

Ralph Lane is an incredibly funny fellow, and his joke books are cherished by young and old alike. Everyone loves receiving one of Ralph’s hilarious illustrated Dad Jokes books for birthdays and holidays. Now Ralph has created a new gift book for St. Patrick’s Day.The “Dad Jokes St. Patrick’s Day Gift Book” includes leprechaun puns, shamrock riddles and Irish knock knock jokes. Your friends and family will love this light-hearted look at all things St. Patrick including some Ralph Lane originals such as:What does a leprechaun call The Incredible Hulk?A Not-So-Jolly Green GiantYou were thrilled by the original “Dad Jokes Gift Book,” you celebrated the “Dad Jokes Christmas Gift Book” and you fell madly in love with the “Dad Jokes Valentine’s Day Gift Book.” Now it’s time to make everyone green with envy when they see that you’re the first in your neighborhood to pick up Ralph Lane’s “Dad Jokes St. Patrick’s Day Gift Book.” It’s better than a pot o’ gold at the end of the rainbow. Best of all, you’ll finally be able to answer these important philosophical questions:How did the Irish jig get started?Who was the leprechaun’s favorite super hero?How can Ralph Lane tell if an Irishman likes his dad jokes?When is an Irish potato not an Irish potato?Why did the leprechaun cross the road?Why did St. Patrick drive the snakes out of Ireland?It just wouldn’t be a holiday without inviting Ralph Lane into your house for fun and laughter. So when you buy the “Dad Jokes St. Patrick’s Day Gift Book” for your friends, family and colleagues, don’t forget to pick up a copy for yourself. They say the only thing luckier than an Irish four-leaf-clover is having the entire Ralph Lane joke book series sitting on the your bookshelf (or back of your toilet at least). So be a lucky leprechaun and pick up your annual supply of Ralph Lane Dad Jokes books for all the holidays.

Author: Ralph Lane

Rating: Rating: 5.00 / 5
5 reviews